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thank you to Jessie Hoe for backup vocals and harmonies
and thank you to Mitchell Lincoln for recording me playing drums

lyrics

i am ashamed and unforgiving for having ever doubted you
you were still breathing when my father took me to get my first funeral suit
barely coherent, barely alive
we had so much in common at that time
while you were on your death bed
i was still trying to get out of mine

but i want to live
i want to be selfish
i want to feel human again
i want to feel my heartbeat somewhere other than my head

i want to live
at least for a little bit
i want to live
even if i dont think i deserve it

you should have seen my father
who i hardly even recognized
and god knows me and my funeral suit were still so angry at the time
but as he spoke to a room full of strangers
with a crack in his voice and his softer side
we all put forth our best efforts to hold ourselves together that night

but i want to live
i want to be selfish
i want to feel human again
i want to feel my heartbeat somewhere other than my head

i spoke at your service
where i gathered the courage to speak with conviction
for the hundreds of eyes laid upon me
scripted words of god and forgiveness
where everyone listened to me
for a brief moment i believed in a heaven
i wanted to scream
"im not as strong as the rest of the family"

credits

from Canaries In Coal Mines, released August 7, 2014

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Helicopter Crash Scene Stunt Double Salt Lake City, Utah

I'm Taylor and I fucking suck

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